Why Men Fall Asleep After Sex

I know why men fall asleep after sex. After years of research into the subject, I found the answer. I don’t know how I overlooked it when it was so apparent. Conversation! Men fall asleep after sex to avoid conversation. A little known fact is men have only a certain amount of words they can use for romantic encounters. This finite number is usually expended in the conversation leading up to a sexual encounter. On the other hand, if it is a “quickie,” the chances of falling asleep decrease, but the probabilities of conversation remains the same.

My research shows it is nothing personal, but men expend large portions of their romantic and interactive vocabulary when they first meet a woman. By the time they’ve slept together six or seven times, his interactive and romantic vocabulary for that women is nearly exhausted and must be renewed on a day-to-day basis. Even then there are a finite number of words nature limits a man to speaking. Either he can use it for meaningful conversation or he can use it for romance.

Nature made men this way. In the beginning, there were hunters and there were gatherers. Men did the hunting and women did the gathering. Initially this worked out fine, but the gatherers soon tired of gathering things and grunting at the children, so they invented language. When the men returned from hunting, the women introduced them to the new trend—talking. Initially, the men liked it because it made telling stories about the size of the mastodon they killed easier to tell without stretching their hands.

After a while, instead of talking, men invented the high five, low five and the chest bump as ways to say “outstanding,” without mouthing the words. Women also caught on to these hand signals and began using them to wave the men into their cave where they would talk with the men over the camp fire until it burned out. Of course, the man stayed until the fire burned out because that was the signal for sex. After sex, he went to sleep for the next day’s hunt or stood guard while the other men slept.

As the amount of conversation picked up, the two-day hunting trips became longer until it lasted more than a week. Still, they returned, but with news ideas. Men invented the “honey do.” As a way to get out of spending time in the cave, talking men invented the “honey do” under the guise of helping when in reality it was a ploy to get out of talking.

Today, despite subtle hints like sleep, comas and death, women still try to engage men in meaningful conversation after sexual encounters. However, I cannot tell you any more about that, not because I don’t want to because I’ve used up my 471 daily word limit. (481)