Sick and Tired:Women Beware!

I was sitting within hearing distance of a show my wife watched on television when I heard something that sent me to the keyboard if for nothing else, to let off steam. I don’t remember what show it was and it doesn't really matter. It was the subject that lit my fire. 

For the umpteenth time, I heard a group of women describing their ideal man. The man they described sounded absolutely incredible and wonderful even to me. In fact, if I weren't a flaming heterosexual I'd marry him myself. As I listened to the women describe their ideal man, I thought to myself—what is it any of these women had that qualified them for such a man. 

Usually, in a relationship, there are two people unless it‘s a business arrangement, which qualifies it as something else. Nevertheless, I'm not foolish enough to believe that I remotely met any of their requirements in any way. I’m not a troll, and neither am I tall and handsome. I have plenty of degrees, but I don't think that's what makes me smart. I've held important positions in the corporate world. Money? I'm not broke, but I'm not close to being rich either. My best attribute is my personality, of which I think I have plenty. After that quick inventory, I quickly surmised I didn't have a thing these women wanted.

On the other hand, almost all of them had something that caught my attention and it wasn't good looks because all of them were very acceptable. Nevertheless, that is not what caught my attention. What reeled me in was that at least half of them were what I politely refer to as "bitches." I wouldn't have gone out with most of them unless they two $500, 000 bags propped on their breasts. 

In reality, the breasts would not have even a small effect on my libido. The only thing that would remotely matter, is if I couldn't lift the bags and had to share the money with anyone who helped me lift it off the supporting titties. Even then, breasts would be a miniscule bother. 

Am I educated? If they mean do I have a college degree, the answer is yes, several of them. However, it not something I care to mention, because it seems like it bragging unless I am speaking at a scientific convention where it is expected.

Rather than education, this man would prefer an excellent conversationalist, comfortable and capable of discussing topics on the spur of the moment. I’m not looking for the most beautiful woman in the world. So, for me a conversationalist is worth her weight in gold.

When it comes to looks, attractive is just fine, especially when comes without attitude and overconfidence. Now, I must confess that I am a big fan of Malaysian women. Why? Who knows? Of course, if I can trick a world class beauty into my bed (ain't gonna happen) I won't kick her out for eating saltines.

If I were dating, I’d probably go out with white women, black women Asian women, Indian women, Mexican women and females. I also heard that powerful women, executive women or beautiful women intimidate many men. They go on dates with these intimidated men and when they aren't asked out again they cover up their disappointment saying that men can’t deal with a professional or educated women.

Personally, I think they don't come back because they can't deal with a bitch, egoist and worthless human being, unless it is for a night and flight. Personally, it makes no difference to me. In addition, I think far too many women overvalue and give themselves credit for something they aren’t.

Yes, men tend to be shallow in some instances not deep enough to cover a dime. However, for the most part, if we've had any type of upbringing at all, we tend to be overly courteous and try to avoid certain situations, especially those that may require hurting someone’s feelings.

Now, for the bottom line. I’m not all of that as a date especially if you're going by looks and height. If it has to do with how many pieces of paper I have, more than likely I will never mention it unless we've had several dates. As far as my tastes in women, I like tall women. I also like short women, as well as big women and skinny women or just females. I’m not too picky.

However, I don't like arrogant women, belligerent women or impressionable women. I’m not a big fan of heavy makeup, fake hair or titties. Homemaking? I really don’t care. I'm a damn good cook; I can wash and iron my own clothes. I can make a bed. In fact, my house meticously clean. Perhaps, even too clean. In other words, I don’t need a woman for any of those things. Sex? That might be the easiest on my lowbrow list. Sex? Too Easy.

I admit I am notoriously shallow, ill-behaved and generally a silly person. However, I am also smart, determined and driven. That’s it. I don't have a long list and anything on my list can be replaced, forgotten or forgone. I want nothing more than an interesting and mysterious woman. That’s it. If I can’t get that, I’ll resort to a trophy girlfriend, tall and tanned, long flowing hair and several college degrees. However, any of that can be overridden by truckloads of money and extreme generosity toward me. Yes, I am that shallow.

By the way, this is my list from long ago, and since I have been off the market for some time, some of this doesn't apply as I'm sure that standards for dating have changed dramatically. On the other hand, I might not be the only man that feels this way even today.

Stupidectomy Doomed to Failure

Most of us know that you can’t fix stupid and I saw another tired example of it last night in response to making English the official of the United States. Most of those seeking such status aim their exclusivity at Spanish speaking people oblivious to the fact that more than 30 languages are spoken daily in the nation.

“Language racists” as I call them fail to see the importance of speaking another language in their own country. For instance, speaking another language could improve business opportunities and produce better community relations. I call the “language racists” because their tunnel vision reasoning is similar to the myopic vision of bigots who miss the entire big picture of the benefits of “diversity.”

“America”, which is used incorrectly to refer to the United States, extends from the far reaches of Alaska to the hinterlands of Chile. The number language spoken in that vast area is also just as varied as it is in the United States. There is a lot of the land “south of the border” and only a small portion of it is Mexico, nor are all the people below the border Mexican.

There is no reasoning with such stupidity. Hundreds of thousands of people from other countries visit the United States regularly and rarely do they run into anyone speaking their language unless it is a relative or friend. Is it arrogance, ignorance, or indifference? In my opinion it is a little of each. We travel to other countries and expect English understanding, but we seem unaware that we don’t do the same.

For “language racists,” the answer is ignorance. They are so offended by “brown people” that they are blinded to the realities surrounding immigration, including benefits. US marketing firms “get it” as entire advertising campaigns aim at Spanish speakers. Almost every major city television media outlet has affiliations with Spanish equivalent.  Going even further, some US hotel chains offer Japanese, Arabic and Vietnamese.

Unfortunately, there is no such thing as a stupidectomy and even if there were, those in need of the procedure would be unaware because of their ignorance.

Sayin' What You mean Ain't Always Meaning What You Say

I grew up in a middle-class black family in a little town named Independence, Kansas. Being middle-class in those days had little meaning other than some degree of education accompanied the appellation. As children we were taught to speak "proper" English at home and Catholic School, but what we heard on the block was a mish-mash of Spanish, slaughtered English and jive By the time I began traveling on the road as a professional musician I could walk in both worlds without thinking about it.

 

Collective Pronoun

 

Normally, "we" is considered a collective pronoun, meaning an entire group, congregation or gathering. During those days if someone from the white community shouted, "We need to leave,there would be no doubt the speaker meant the entire group. However, in the black community "we" became a singular pronoun because whomever shouted "We gotta get up out of here," was already far in front of the rest of the group which would be divided into sub-groups according to speed.

 

Grammar

 

It's not always like that, but it's a piece of information that has little bearing on anything except bringing a smile to your face.

Time Travel

Time travel was invented long ago and even though this might sound like news, it isn't. If that sounds like a crock, what I write next will surely indicate that I've lost my mind. Not only was time travel invented centuries ago, most of you have used it at one time or another. Music has been transporting men and women across chunks of time for ages.

There is not one of you that has not been transported to another time and place when a certain certain song or music begins to play. Whenever I hear "Stand by Me" I am immediately beamed to my teen years in Independence, Kansas where I'm sitting in the swing with Linda Anderson on her front porch. I can feel the heat of a typical Kansas summer night and the closeness of a girl who was the subject of my teenage crush.

Another record drops to the turntable and I'm standing in the quadrangle at Lincoln University with my cousins Linda and Jude Bordeaux laughing at David Enyard. The Four Tops coming from the hi-fi sing "Bernadette," which was David's latest girlfriend that had done him wrong. The next thing I know, I'm at home, not where I live now, but in the house I grew up in. Not only am I there, but I'm in a "big boss line" doing the Madison.

If you're like me there are certain songs that take back in time. Suddenly, people you shared moments with are back in your life at the exact moment you recorded the memory. The music is the time travel machine that keeps those memories real as if it happened just moments ago. Another record falls from the spindle and I watch as my mother and father ballroom to Duke Ellington "Satin Doll.

Music has the power to take us paces we thought we'd never see again. It puts us in touch with people and feelings we thought forgotten. It allows to reexperience an indelible moment in our lives. We all have one and most have many.

So, with this in mind I'm asking you to share your music with the rest of us and allow us to share that time with you. There is a song that reminds you of a certain place, a certain time and certain someones. Share and you be surprised how the same songs have no affect on many.

Keep it to Yourself

For some people humbleness, is an acquired taste that often comes with side order of crow. In corporate America, college degrees seem a popular item on the menu much to the chagrin of those of us that must rub elbows with these unknowing diners.

If I am not hiring you or seeking advice, I don't give a damn about your college degree. Most people do not care about your educational accomplishments or want to hear about unless they are related to you and even then, asides from your mother or father, that is not a sure bet.

This 2012 and announcing your college credentials to the world is considered bad taste, country and worst of all, uneducated. People that have it--don't announce it and that goes for everything from money and cars to where they live or the size of their house. In my neighborhood we have a saying, "you better pull over and ask somebody." It means to error on the side of caution or "look before you leap."

Whether you know it or not many, not some, many of the people you regale with tidings of your educational accomplishment have degrees, often more than one and often advanced degrees, again sometimes several. You have a BMW? So do a lot of people. You make six figures? Again, so do a lot of people and even if they don't, they don't want to hear about yours, especially from you.

I know it's hard to be humble when you're great as you, but when you see people whispering don't think for a moment they are talking about you--know it! They are talking about what an ass you are, which is probably the nicest thing they'll say. When we were kids, anytime were about to go out in public my mother used tell us to "act like you've been some place." That meant, keep our mouths shut or don't say anything that reveal our ignorance.

My father made it very clear when he told us, "It is better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt." That advice served me well. I had more than my share of opportunities to make a fool of myself but bragging on myself or what I had or had not done was held to a minimum thanks to my parents.

By the way, a 2.9 GPA is a high "C." In other words, it is the least expected. As person from the sales world, 100% of what you're supposed to sell is what is expected. It is a "C." In other words, it is not bragging material just as a college degree isn't. It only counts to the receivers, those who helped or family, and to those that think it "might" make for a good employee. Otherwise, no one gives a rats ass.

Occupy Movement Reloaded

Harsh winter has lost its grip on the country and with the blooming of May flowers comes new energy and new purpose to the Occupy Movement. It is far too important to let the movement slip into obscurity because it is a new year. The same demagogues are still there. Wall Street is as crooked as ever. Politicians still ring the lie bell frequently. Big business is raking in record profits, but not hiring. No one is in jail after one the greatest shakedown scams in the world. In fact, we paid off the bookie bets and the thanks we get is a stick in the eye in the form of cutbacks and higher prices. With that in mind, I am posting this video as a reminder of what happened last year to emphasize the importance of becoming active again.

Sucio El Bailar

ArtsyFartsy is a springboard for film, photography, poetry, and fun stuff. It is also a place for serious and not so serious thought on just about any subject. I encourage my Facebook friends and family to contribute their original writings, films and photographs so their friends may share in their genius, I will start it off with a little poetry and follow with a film about depression. As you can see there is a wide range between the two and that's the way the page is meant to work. That's why I am seeking a wide  of ideas, opinions and thoughts on any subject.  DRB