Thursday, September 22, 2016

SKIP TRACE (A short long story by Donald R Barbera)

With all the advances in technology the claustrophobia inducing MRI still existed. Of course, it wasn't the same, but the internal design was much the same except now it had far more capability other than diagnosing disease.

Even though the tube was large, open and capable of holding an average size man in a sitting position, I didn't like it even though I'd been in the same one in the past. However, today was different. Normally, when doing an fMRI no drugs are administered to insure clear observation of the brain's response to outside stimuli.

According to the technician the effects would be minimum except for the need for sleep, some disorientation and dehydration, but aside from that it should be no problem. I wouldn't be in any shape to drive when it was all over he said, but my buddy would be there to see to it that I got home safely.

This would be my first time in with drugs. My palms were sweaty and my breathing rapid. Finally, I was ready. I took a small white capsule with a splash of water and waited. Finally, my mind began to wander just as they slid me into the cavernous device.
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When I awakened, there was an arm draped over my chest and a naked leg riding my thigh. For a moment, I was slightly disorentated but it all came back to me in a flash. Confusion still reigned when I looked into the woman’s face and recognized Lorain Beasley. She and I worked at the World Magazine where I was a photographer and she wrote feature stories.

I search my mind trying to figure out how I ended up in bed Lorain, but the answer stayed hidden. We were at best professionals who happened to work together even though she always hinted I could become more if I wanted. I always ignored her hints to the point of rudeness and now here I was laying next to her, naked and bewildered.

When she stirred, I had no idea of what I’d say once she was fully awake. If I knew what we’d done I’d have something to mention, but I had no idea of what we’d done although I thought anyone with a brain could figure it out and that made it worse. I didn’t even know where I was.

“Hey baby, you know what to when it comes to pleasing a woman,” Lorain said. “You have all the right moves. I was through after the first time, but you kept after it. I finally had to say enough.”

That scared the shit out of me because I didn’t remember an ounce of it. Not a sliver.

“Sometimes I get like that,” I said, knowing if she asked me any question anything I said would be just a guess.

“You want to grab some breakfast?” she asked.

“No, I need to get to the office and finish some work,” I said.

“You never take a break,” she said. “You’re always working.”

“I guess I’ll see you at work,” she said and laughed.

“Yeh,” I answered and smiled.

We got into shower and then dressed, but not before we had steamy sex in her spacious shower. While she was toweling off, I had already dressed. After checking myself in the mirror I was ready to go. I started toward the door to leave when she interrupted my thoughts.

“You want me to take you to the office? That way you won’t need to call a taxi,” she asked.

Although I was still clearing my head, it came to me that my car was in the parking garage at the office. It also came to me how I came to wake up in Lorain’s bed. Tequila. Too much tequila put me in her bed, that and a nice ass and stunning good looks. In a bar just three blocks from the office, she and I stayed there drinking tequila shots until three in the morning. Now, I remembered feeling her up and kissing her in her car. She had been soft and juicy.

"Yeh, that would be nice," I said. I guess I really tied one on last night."

"Yes, you did but I'm not complaining. You should let yourself go more often, she said and smiled knowingly.

Now it all poured in letting me know that I had jumped into bed with someone I didn’t really like. No doubt, Lorain was a beautiful woman, but she just happened to be one that I couldn’t stand. She was arrogant without being aware of her own shortcomings. Attractive as she was those were the two main reasons I never wanted anything to do with her. Now that I apparently became involved I would need a subtle reason to ease out the door without slamming it because whether I wanted it or not, she traveled with me and often wrote stories from the shoots. She was a superior writer.

When she dropped me in front of The World Offices I leaned over and kissed her lightly on the lips and headed into the building. As I rode the elevator to the 52nd floor, I felt a wave of dizziness come over me as my body readjusted to the quick elevator ride. When the elevator doors closed I went into the offices. I stumbled around in the half-lit work place until I found the light switch. In all the years I’d worked here I’d never turned the lights on or off.

I strolled about looking at all the prizes awarded to the magazines and reporters. I had nine. That didn’t surprise me. I did good and often dangerous work. Finally, I found my desk. It was neatly arranged. Everything was where it was supposed to be. I reached into my pocket and my cabinet keys fell into my hand. Easily I inserted the key and right on top were five professional Nikon cameras with an assortment of lenses. I closed the drawer and locked it headed for the parking garage. I reached into my pants pocket for my keys and they were there.

As I walked I cursed myself for getting involved the one woman that I never wanted. Finally, the familiar black fob with the Tri-Star emblem looked up at me as if to say hello. Damn, I thought, “I must have been drunker than a son of a bitch.” As I drove toward my place I was I was still trying to put together how Lorain and I ended up alone together much less in bed together. "Maybe she spiked my drink," I thought, but she was far above that.

She could have just about any man she wanted. No matter how it happened, the damage was done. I knew or at least I thought she’d be no trouble at the office. She’d be just as aloof as always. My problem was I was far too nice to tell her I had no desire for her at all, but now as I thought about it and my baser instincts kicked in and said, "maybe I did."

Forty-five minutes after I left the office I finally pulled into my drive and left my car sitting there. I knew I’d have to come right back out to get groceries. I changed my clothes and returned to my car. Before put my hand on the door handle I heard,

“Mac, Mac.”

It was my office cohort and friend J.T. He flew the planes that took us into uncharted territory and he did it as if he were a child. Everything was an adventure for him, including living in the big city.

“Where have you been,” he asked. “You dropped off the map after the team decided to hit the clubs. Just you, Justin and Lorain were still there when we left.”

“Justin left right after you guys and I sat there and talked with Lorain,” I said. That much was true. “In fact, she gave me a ride back to the office to pick up my car.” That was true also.

“Wait a minute. She gave you a ride? Did you suddenly develop a golden ass? I’ve never seen anyone in that Masserati except her," J.T. said.

“I think she felt sorry for me. I ate way too much lobster and my stomach was killing me,” I said.

“Well, you missed a hell of a party. I’m surprised I can walk I danced so much. How about you? Are you feeling any better,” J.T. asked.

“A little Pepto and a good night’s sleep did it. In fact, I’ve been at the office and back already,” I said.

“Do you ever give it a break" he asked.

"You know me better than that as many times as we've chased strange women all over the world and right here, I just don't like loose ends," I answered. "You know that," I said.

“It’s not any of my business anyway," he said. What do you have planned for later,” he asked.

Without thinking, I answered, “Nada,” hoping he wasn’t planning on dragging me to some strange event or happening.

“A college buddy I haven’t seen in 10 years is in town and got in touch with me. He wants me to come to some gathering they’re having,” he said, “and I was wondering would you come with me?”

J.T. never needed company unless he was doing something “normal," because he was terrified of dancing and or making small talk. Here’s a man who flew into Alaska, deep into the Brazilian jungles where there were no runways and the engine choking altitudes of Nepal, but he became socially abnormal without alcohol. Once sufficiently lubricated with dark rum, he was talkative to the point of becoming a target for murder and he asked every woman within range to dance. It made no difference; he was still a horrible dancer. Anyway, I told him I would think about it.

Back home from shopping, I turned on ESPN while I put away my groceries and ate pork rinds. The University of Oklahoma was playing Oklahoma State University. It was 7-0 OU when I turned it on. When I finished and sat down it was 7-7. It looked as if this might be a good game. The game was over and another had started when the ringing of telephone awakened me. It was 9 pm.

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“Mac,” I said groggily.

It was J.T. Now it came back to me that I was supposed to call him to tell him if I’d go to his friend’s get together with him. In that instant, I decided I’d go and give J.T. a fallback reason to leave if things were not to his liking.

I was ready when J.T. knocked on the door. I had on a navy suit, white shirt, pearl tie and some expensive dress shoes that I wore once or twice a year for award events. When I opened the door I was taken aback. It wasn’t the J.T. I was used to seeing. The man standing there had his hair slicked back, exposing slight beard stubble and even white teeth. I hadn’t seen J.T. like this in a while. He avoided award events like the plague and usually wouldn’t be caught dead in a suit, no matter what the occasion.

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From the cars I saw when we drove up, I thought we might both be underdressed for the occasion. At least J.T. seemed unbothered by the parade of expensive cars and the handsome men and women exiting them at the valet stop. J.T.’s Rover fit in somewhat but it was clear we were way out of our class.

“Who the hell is your friend,” I asked.

“Ronald Reynolds III,” J.T. answered.

“You mean the Ronald Reynolds, as in Internet giant,” I asked. “Shit, we are way out of our class here.”

“No, Ronnie is just a regular guy. A bit nerdy, but a regular guy,” J.T. said.

Looking around carefully I saw people dressed like us and some far more casual. It was comforting to see them so we didn’t stand out like a red spot. There were people in tuxedos and women in flowing gowns, but for every one of them, there women and men in suits like J.T. and me.

“You really know this guy,” I asked.

“Sure, we’ve been friends since high school,” J.T. said. "I took up for him when the other guys wanted to bully him. They never bothered me because none of them knew what I might do.”

Once we were inside, it was hard to overlook the elegant setting. If we'd been bandits we could have easily made off with $2 million in jewels and gold. As we moved deeper into the room, suddenly, the crowd split like the Red Sea and news people carrying cameras, microphones and lights rushed forward to see the man many claimed as the richest and smartest man west of New York. However, once he reached the podium my interest waned. I had traveled the world, seen grand castles, went into the Chilean mountains and covered the Olympics for The World, and had seen people scurry just to see the Pope, so I wasn’t impressed.

“J.T.,” I said. J.T. was gone. He had disappeared into the sea of faces leaving me to fend for myself. Since I was going nowhere without J.T., I decided to wander and look at the people. As I passed the Hors D'Oeuvres table I grabbed a flute of champagne and kept meandering. There were groups of people I heard talking about money and software, of which I only cared about one. As I walked I noticed a woman standing by herself drinking from a martini glass.

From the side, she was striking and I could see the back of her gown that draped to the small of her back. It came up in the front near her neck around which she wore sparkling jewels that I assumed were diamonds. I elbowed my way through the small groups to get a full frontal view. She was magnificent. Ethnically, I couldn’t place her. I’d seen women that looked like her in Brazil, Malaysia and the hood. I must have been staring because suddenly our eyes locked.

I looked away as if I had been caught stealing. I was going to move away but when I looked over my eyes caught hers again. Finally, I decided to get lost in the crowd and avoid being embarrassed, again. As I headed for another glass of champagne I felt a slight tap on my elbow. I turned to see who it was and it was her. I felt like a peeping Tom must feel when he is caught.

“Were you ever going to come speak to me,” she asked with an easy and relaxed voice. “I saw you gazing.”

Gazing? She was being polite. I wasn’t gazing, I was gawking. I didn’t know what to say, so I said, “I was probably creeping you out, but you caught my eye and I couldn’t stop looking”

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” she said.

“If I may ask, why are you attending this event? There seems to be no one here except investors and socialites . . .” I trailed off. “I’m sorry if I just crossed the line. I’m not used to attending these events.

“As they say, no harm, no foul,” she said.

We stood by the hors d'oeuvres, talked and laughed. I don’t know how long we stood there before we decided to take a people-watching walk and tried to guess who they were and why they were there. It was humorous.

“Look over there,” I motioned with my head. “What wrong with that picture?”

“Let’s see other than he outweighs the entire table and the woman
under his arm is probably 50 years younger than him, other than that--nothing,” she said.

We both laughed quietly and moved on. As we strolled she pointed out cheating husbands and wives, closeted homosexuals, millionaires, political luminaries and even some rising young actors. I was unaccustomed to looking at people outside of a rectangle or as subjects of interests because of their lives. A socialite I was not, but I liked to party as well as the next person. Apparently, too much or I wouldn’t have awakened in Lorain's bed.

As we strolled, she put her arm into mine just as casually as if we’d known each other for years. Maybe we had in another time and place. Just as I was letting my imagination run away with me, I heard my name.

“Mac. Mac.”

It was J.T. I could always count on him to get me into something to get me out of something, whichever. He had a knack for being in the wrong place at the wrong time and vice versa. I owed J.T. my life more times than I can remember. On the other hand, if not for J.T. I wouldn’t have been in some of those life threatening situations in the first place.

“I’ve been looking for you. I know these folks must be trying your last nerve,” he said. Then he noticed there was a woman with her arm in mine.

“Jesus, I guess you found something interesting to do while I sucked up. Well, are you going to introduce me?”

Before I could turn to her and ask her name, she stuck out her hand towards J.T. and said, “I’m Kai Li.”

“I’m James Turner. This guy is my best friend in the universe,” J.T. said. “It’s true. Well, I’m going to leave you kids alone. I going back to speak with Ronnie by himself where I don’t have to be politically correct. Did I tell you I was best man at his wedding? Hell, nobody gives a shit. Pardon me. I’m out,” he said.

“I’m sorry I didn’t ask your name earlier. I planned to but I wanted it to be at the right time,” I said hearing the lameness in my voice.

“And, when would that have been,” she asked looking straight in my eyes.

That wasn’t fair. Looking into her eyes I could see my reflection. Her eyes were dark, nearly black or so they seemed. They were the same eyes that locked on mine earlier in the evening. For a moment I forgot what I was going to say, but I finally found my tongue and asked her name even though she’d already told J.T. while I was standing there.

“Excuse me, may I ask your name,” I asked.

“I am Kai Li,” she said and smiled.

“I’m Evan,” I started to say when she interrupted.

“Everyone in this city knows who you are, Evan Mac,” she said and smiled broadly.

We talked on until J.T. came. We exchanged phone numbers and said something about having lunch. I’m not sure, but I was happy with that.

“I know you didn’t want to come here, but I’m glad you found some lovely entertainment,” J.T. said.

We rode on for a few minutes when J.T. suggested that I call Kai Li. I sat there and watched as the freeway lights sped past in a blur thinking about it. I actually wanted to talk to her because as far I was concerned the evening ended much too quickly. Something I didn’t want to attend had turned into a fascinating and somewhat mysterious evening. I wasn’t ready for it to be done. I reached into my suit pocket and retrieved my phone and called her.

“Hi. This is Mac,” I said.

“I know. Your number popped up on my phone,” she said.

“I don’t mean to bother you but I wanted to tell you made my evening and I wanted you to know it. Thank you,” I said.

“No need,” she said.

“Well, good night,” I said.

“Good night,” she said.

When J.T. dropped me off I was smiling.

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That weekend I thought of Kai often. She was different in an unexpected way. She was highly intelligent and possessed striking beauty, but what drew me to her was her mysterious and exotic nature.

J.T. came over and we had some beers and talked about nothing. Kia's name came up a couple of times.

"I take it that you were captivated by your new friend," J.T. asked.

"You could say that," I answered. "Truthfully, I expected to be bored out of my mind, but Kai rescued me from throwing myself in front of a bus.

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I'd been to Puerto Rico so many times that it felt like home, but in the multitude of visits never had I photographed the great walls surrounding San Juan. I took what I called personal shots, but they weren't of the quality that I demanded of myself for a professional shoot.

San Juan nightlife was pulsating and alive, especially when being a participant. J.T. and I danced into the night with the lovely senoritas. Well, perhaps it was more me than J.T, but we enjoyed this shoot. There was no danger from wild animals or hidden cliffs. Although there were certain parts of the city like La Perla that weren't considered safe. We had dealt with tough guys before and usually had no trouble taking pictures and getting interviews.

It helped that both J.T. and I spoke Spanish fluently. So the shoot went extremely well. We finished the photographs on a boat in the entry harbor which gave a full view of the protective wall at the port of San Juan. As usual, J.T. managed to make what should have been an easy and peaceful ride into a terrifying 90-minute roller-coaster ride.

On the way back, I wrote the entire story on the 7-hour plane ride. Lorain had been on another shoot in Peru. I was so pleased she wasn't there to create any awkward moments. She had been on my mind because I felt a storm brewing.

Kai also took up significant space in my head, because we would have lunch together two days after I got back. I had no idea of what I'd say or do. Although I talked easily with her at the party, this was different. There would be no distractions or murmuring voices.

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Sushi Bones was an upscale restaurant known for its excellent barbecue and Asian cuisine. I didn't know how Kai would respond to such an eclectic mix, but I thought it might be something she'd like. I was right.

"I don't how I missed this little piece of heaven," she said wiping a spot of sauce from her lips.

"I only found it because the World's offices are so close and because of the type of work I do," I said. "Wandering is in my blood."

Lunch went well. Kai was a highly sought after architect and designer.

"In your many travels, has marriage ever crossed your mind," she asked.

As soon as she asked, I could see she regretted it. The look on my face must have shown that I was taken aback.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking," she said. "I feel so comfortable with you that I wondered why a nice looking bachelor like you never married or didn't have a current girlfriend."

"I never said one way or the other," but I'm positively not married and I have no girlfriend, girlfriends or a harem," I said and smiled. "You caught me a little off guard with that question and I feel I have to explain my reaction to it"

"There's no need to explain. I clearly overstepped my bounds," she said.

"No, it's not that at all. Not that at all. I should have laughed when you asked because the history of my romances look like a war zone," I said.

"What do you mean, a war zone," she asked.

"There's nothing but romantic destruction in my past," I said. "My one great love affair happened when I was 21-years-old. It all went wrong and nearly destroyed my life for two years after that. Since then, I've had no long-term relationships. Perhaps a month or two, but that's it."

"I didn't mean to scratch old sores, but I think you are fascinating and I had to ask. Still, I sincerely apologize," Kai said.

"Actually, now that I think about it, I probably should have had this conversation with someone long ago," I said.

"Maybe. Maybe not," she said. "Just guessing, I'd say your choice of profession fits with you not having a desire for a long-term relationship," Kai said.

We had seen each other more the five hours but I had to agree with her assessment. Traveling as I did left little time for romance or at least that's what I told myself when I felt the tingle of a relationship. I'd schedule myself for some excursion away from home.

"Mac. Mac. Are you there," Kai asked.

"Sorry," I said as I reeled myself in from whatever universe I was stuck in. That brief trip made me aware that it had been more than 22-years since I had a real relationship. I had several women that had dated regularly for social events, but no one that I spent intimate time with. I spent more time with Lorain than any woman even though for me she held no appeal. Or at least I didn't think she did.

"I know you're not married and I don't care if you have a boyfriend," I said and laughed.

We stayed at the restaurant sipping cocktails and making plans for the next time we'd get together.

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My head felt like it was going to explode after a blue-white flash of lightning made me grab my head in excruciating pain. I barely made it to my bed before another flash even worse than the first hit me. The pain was crushing. I managed to open my nightstand, open the bottle of naproxen and swallowed four without water.

Another flash hit me and made my entire body tense up. I couldn't move. My body was stiff and the pain overwhelming. That was the last thing I remembered. The next morning I awoke feeling the way I always did after a good night's sleep.

After I'd showered and shaved, I fixed myself a cup of coffee and headed to the office feeling invigorated and fresh.

As I drove I couldn't help noticing the clear sky and the glistening skyline. I loved the skyscrapers against the blue sky. Unfortunate, I like everyone else in the city, rarely viewed it like this because of the cloud of smog that dampened visibility.

Driving with the top down felt like freedom. The wind blew in my face whenever the traffic allowed it and I smiled. "What could be better I thought." I turned up the music and rolled with the traffic.

Finally, I arrived the office, parked and walked straight in and to my desk saying hello to my fellow journalists. I even spoke to Lorain and surprised when she returned my greeting. I smiled inwardly.

I hadn't been in the office 10 minutes when my managing editor, John Welth, came to my desk with an assignment.

"Mac, it seems like you don't work here anymore," he said.

"What are you talking about," I asked.

"You're out of the country so much that I started to ask if you had a Green Card," he said and laughed.

He was right. Often I wondered why I had a house. It seemed like I was rarely there and when I was I spent most of my time sleeping unless J. T. dragged to some bar where he probably met some women like him who opened up after a few drinks.

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After our first lunch, Kai and I became nearly inseparable friends. We went to lunch, dinner and even dancing. On the dance floor was our first kiss. It wasn't a deep searching kiss, but a kiss that said we felt comfortable with each other and signaled a clear change in our relationship. When she didn't pull away and responded to my kiss, I knew we had moved from friendly to romantic.

After that, things began to move with more speed. Unfortunately, just two days after that recognition I found out "The World" needed me to fill in for another photographer who came down with severe diarrhea.

I was not happy leaving Kai, but I told myself that it would be just a few days and I'd be back late Friday night. All I had to do was not drink the water.

When I got back from Mexico, Kai already had a Saturday night planned for us at the House of Blues. Aretha Franklin was the main attraction and even though I was bone tired, I could hardly say no to such an opportunity. I loved Aretha and nearly every song she ever made.

Dressed casually, we ordered drinks and watched the warm up acts perform. They were great. By the time Aretha came to the stage we both were a bit light headed. As soon as she hit the first note we cheered, laughed and felt the power of rhythm and blues. It was a heady mix for two people teetering on the brink of a serious relationship. Sadly, the concert came to an end, but not the feeling of enchantment good whiskey and music can bring

"How did you like it," Kai asked.

"Like it? I loved it," I replied." I was just three rows away from one of my favorite singers."

"Well, you looked like you were enjoying yourself," Kai said.

"It looked like you were too," I said.

When we finally reached the exit and the valet brought my car, I asked Kai minded if I dropped the top. She laughed in her small giggle and said, "I was beginning to wonder if it worked."

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We drove into the cool night air holding hands over the console and smiling at each other. When we reached her house I prepared for my regular routine of making sure she got safely inside, then I would call to make sure everything was alright. But tonight was different, instead of getting out, she leaned across the divider and kissed me deeply and asked, "Do you want to come in?"

I wasn't entirely caught off guard, but I had to think about it for a second, but only for a second.

"Sure," I said.

Kai's house was much different on the inside than out. Inside was a mix of Asian and ultra-modern design. It made my house look like a two-bit flop house. I liked it and it shouldn't have surprised now that I was familiar with her architectural design talent. It fit her.

Without asking, I sat down on a white leather couch with glossy black Z-table sitting next to it. Looking around I couldn't help feeling somewhat overwhelmed by the modern design mixed with traditional Asian decor.

"Would you like a drink?"

"Would you like a drink," she asked again breaking the spell of that single room.

Kai came back from the stainless steel and black decorated kitchen with my favorite drink. Dark rum. Straight. She knew my habits now. We sat there replaying the night's activities, laughing and telling stories of our early childhood. Eventually, the talking slowed and I looked into those depthless eyes.

"I'm going to spend the night with you," I said, hoping she wouldn't shatter my fragile ego like others had in the past.

She didn't reply. Instead, she took my hand and led me into her bedroom. Candles were already burning and a faint scent of jasmine floated on air at the edge of my nostrils. The bedroom was much like the living area except red and black dominated the color scheme. Finally, after sitting me on the bed, her hand slipped from mine. Standing only inches from my face she undressed slowly while I gazed wondering when the dream would end, but it didn't.

Kai was perfectly proportioned and in the candle light her skin glowed with the amber of the candles and the soft reflection of the red walls. Then she took my hand again and motioned for me to stand. I stood there frozen as she removed my clothes. We both slid into bed and danced tightly in the embrace of love and passion. How long it lasted, I had no idea. All I remember is the close warmth of Kai's body entwined with mine. In three months, Kai and I were living together. Part of the arrangement was convenience for both of us considering the proximity of her home to our offices. But, the most important reason was that we had fallen in love. It was that simple.

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During all the time Kai and I spent together I managed to escape assignments with Lorain. But, I knew it would happen. Sure enough, almost four months to the day, we ended up on an important photo shoot and I couldn't avoid her. I was half way around the world taking pictures of the only African children with naturally blonde hair.

I was checking my photo chips to see if I had enough good shots for the article. I always shot far more pictures than necessary to hopefully capture what I saw in my mind's eye. When the knock came at my hut door I was surprised. I knew it couldn't be J.T. because he would be socializing with the locals where he felt comfortable. Then a second knock came and I answered the door. It was Lorain. Without saying hello or hi she walked in and started talking.

"I didn't think you were that kind of guy," she said.

"What are you talking about," I asked.

"Don't play stupid with me," she said. "Do you think I'm the kind of woman who casually falls into bed with anyone," she asked.

"Whoa. Whoa. Wait a minute," I said, "From what I recall, it was a mutual seduction. Or at least that's what I thought. I could tell you all kind of things trying to make an excuse, but I really thought you were giving me a break for whatever reason that might be."

"After that night you never said anything to me. It was like I didn't exist," she said.

"No, I was just respecting your space because you are so unapproachable at work," I ventured. That much was true. I had hoped that her aloofness would dismiss me as a sex object who filled a need and to be thrown away casually. That was her usual demeanor. She surprised me when she started to cry.

I did what any carrying person would do and embraced her, letting her cry on my shoulder. I don't know how long I held her, but it ended with her futile seduction attempt, which I declined, but hoped I smoothed it over by telling her that it was me with the problem.

"Face it," I said easily, "I'm not in your class and you know it. You're sophisticated and I'm, well, you've seen what I am. You couldn't take me a damn place without feeling embarrassed."

I was appealing to her sense of superiority hoping it would cut the conversation short. After a few more "I'm not good enough for you. That's the reality plain and simple,"

I think I may have convinced her it was all an accident or perhaps giving her a shred of dignity. After she left I poured a large rum and sat down glad that she left. Holding her while she was crying I felt the heat of her body. I could tell she was wearing no panties and I was sorely tempted that I let a beautiful, available woman out of my bed. Still, I was glad I had.

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Being in the Caribbean with Kai was like a Hollywood movie. We'd swim in the ocean, play in the surf and even parasailed. Our Caribbean holiday was part business and all pleasure. We hopped from the Bahamas to Barbados, to the Virgin Islands, Turks and Caicos, Antilles and back. Kai came with me when I shot pictures. It must have been the sea breeze and aqua water, but we fell even deeper in love. Even though the work had to continue, but we spent oodles of time together.

We spent our last night in Nassau at Atlantis. It had a world class casino and top shelf chefs. We thought about going to the Aura nightclub right off the casino floor, but we ended up getting dressed for an After Five dinner.

Kai looked radiant wearing a dark navy gown. It draped low in the back showing her tanned skin wich looked like wild honey if it had been liquid, but that swooping back did not compare to the open front that came to her waste almost revealing her small breasts. I loved it. Me? I wore a dark blue tux. I looked okay but compared to Kai I was a sack of old nails. After dinner, we went straight to our suite and fell into bed.

We left the next morning and took a straight flight home. After the six hour flight both of us were glad to be back on American soil. Coming off the jet way, the smell of home was strong and I felt the tension drain away. We were standing there looking at the schedule board when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned and looked straight into Lorain's eyes.

"Lorain, what are you doing here," I asked.

"I'm here with Paul and the crew. We're headed to Bermuda," she said.

"Oh, excuse me. This is Kai Li. She's my girlfriend. Kai this is Lorain. She and I work together," I said.

"Nice to meet you Kai. Be careful, this man is dedicated to work, a true workaholic," Lorain said and looked at me and winked. "Well, I'm not going to hold you up. Kai it was nice meeting you," she said and walked away.

As we walked toward the baggage claim, I thought of the morning I woke up in Lorain's bed. I could have ended up in a relationship with her, but thankfully I let reason rule instead of lust. Less than three days later I met Kai. Although Lorain still crossed my mind, I knew I made the right the right decision of not getting involved.

"What are you thinking," Kai asked.

"What?" I asked.

"You seemed lost in thought," she said.

"I was thinking about you," I said.

"What are you thinking," she asked.

"I was thinking about you. I am so lucky to have you when I thought I'd never I'd fall in love again, but I have and I'm happy," I said. I felt the tears welling in my eyes. I cared that much.

"Well, I'm glad that you found me," she said.

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When we got home, we didn't bother unpacking. Instead, we took a shower together and then crawled into bed. I thought about making love, but I couldn't get past my fatigue from the express tour of the Caribbean. When I looked at Kai, she was already asleep. She seemed so relaxed with me that couldn't believe it especially considering the shallowness of my previous relationships.

Even though I was tired I couldn't go to sleep. Perhaps, it awareness of my fear of failure with Kai or maybe it was fear of failure with myself. I didn't want either to come true seeing that I seemed to be on the right track with both. With my head against the pillow, I stared at the ceiling as if I expected it to give me an answer. I knew it wasn't forthcoming, but I was happy that I had a real relationship and was unashamedly in love.

--------------------------------------

Kai and I lived together nearly a year before marriage became a subject. A friend once told me to never go to a wedding with your girlfriend and now I knew why. I liked Tish and I felt that if anyone would make a great wife, it was Tish. The idea in my friend's advice was that my girlfriend would subtly hound me until we got married, but in this case, it wasn't Kai, it was me.

I felt guilty about being with Kai all this time and never asking her to marry me. The thought stayed with me nearly three weeks. I had even slipped away from the office to look at engagement rings. Of course, I had no idea of what I was doing or how to go about it, but I'd decided to propose.

It was almost 10 pm when I heard the chime of the alarm system. Kai was home. She usually made it around 7 pm, but the day must have been especially busy. I didn't get up. I knew she would come in and kiss me, besides it was Monday Night Football and I had the best seat in the house. In just a few seconds, I felt her arms around neck.

"Hey Bubby," she said. "I knew you'd be sitting here. Who's playing? No. Let me guess. Dallas and somebody."

"Not tonight. I got Arizona and San Francisco," I said. "Did you eat?"

"Not really. I had a small salad and that's it," she said.

"You want to get something to eat," I asked. "We could go to Carmine's, have some dinner and drink red wine until they close."

Although Carmine's sounded like an Italian restaurant, it wasn't. Carmine's offered the best in beef and seafood dishes. As soon as I said it I thought to myself that I really didn't want to go.

"How do you feel about a cheese omelet ," I asked.

"It sounds fine to me," Kia replied.

So, I went into the kitchen and started our omelets while Kai took a shower. When she came out, I had the omelets sitting on the night stand. We started eating and the next thing I heard was the unmistakable sound of dishes hitting the floor. We'd both fallen asleep, but she didn't awaken when the dishes fell so I just quietly laid them on the dresser, got back in the bed and tried to go back to sleep. 

Just as I closed my eyes hoping to fall asleep, lightening flashed in my head and I cried out in pain. It felt like an electric current was sparking in my brain as it kept coming in continuous waves each stronger than the other. Somewhere in my misery, I must have cried out because I could hear Kai's voice, but I couldn't understand what she said. I tried to stand and make it somewhere where the pain couldn't find me, but when I finally stood the streaks of lightening only intensified.

"What is it Mac," I heard Kai say.

I could feel her arms around my waist trying to keep me steady. Then a prolonged blue flash made me cry out again and I tried to squeeze my head between my hands. By now, my legs had turned into useless boards and my balance slipped away. I felt Kai trying to keep me on my feet, but it was no use. Another jolt crushed my brain and I started toward the floor.

--------------------------------------

"Mac. Mac," I heard Kai say.

I didn't want to open my eyes after such a restful night, but it was time to get up. I didn't want to miss the kickoff. In the mist of morning sleep, I heard Kai calling out to me again.

"I hear you," I said with my eyes half closed. As I peeped about I realized that I wasn't in our bed and that my face throbbed with a dull ache.

When I fully opened my eyes I saw myself in a reflection off the glass enclosed room. The first thing I noticed were the bandages on my forehead, down my nose and cheek.

Suddenly, I was concerned. Bandages anywhere on your head were not a good sign. Seeing the white wraps around my face nearly sent me into a panic. Had I been in an accident?

"Where the hell am I," I said a little louder than I thought.

Standing right next to me holding my hand, Kai answered, "You're in the hospital."

"Hospital," I said with disbelief. "Why," I asked. Then I looked around and noticed the MRI and CAT and scan devices and knew where I was and tried to guess what happened.

Kai broke my concentration and asked, "Do you remember anything from last night?"

"Of course, I do," I said.

"Tell me what you remember," she asked. "All of it."

I became slightly irritated by the question. All she needed was her friend Tish here so they could play "good cop, bad cop" with me as the primary suspect. It was beginning to grate on my nerves, but if she had to know I'd satisfy her curiosity.

"Ok. I'll make a long story short," I said. "We got home, took a shower together and slipped into bed."

"Do you remember getting out of the bed," Kai asked.

I didn't get a chance to answer because a tall man wearing a lab coat came into the room carrying a clipboard. After pulling the curtain behind him, he started talking.

"Hello, Mr. Mac. I love your work," Dr. Richards said. I've been looking over your case since they brought you in unconscious."

"Unconscious," I asked, feeling confused.

"Yes. You were out with multiple abrasions and bruises on your face," he said. "I'm not too worried about that. Fortunately, you didn't break anything."

"I was unconscious," I asked again.

"Your wife told me that you passed out and hit your head on the floor," he said. "Do you remember that?"

"No, I don't," I answered.

"Has this ever happened before," he asked.

"No."

"While you were unconscious we put you in for an MRI and took a CAT scan just in case. What I want to show you is what we found in the scans," he said.

He turned his stool to a computer, typed in a few lines and a picture of a brain popped on the screen. I sat up so I could see better. It didn't have my name on it, but I could see no other reason for him to show it to me if it wasn't mine. But, I was wrong. It wasn't mine.

"This is a scan of a normal brain," he said. "Now, this is your brain. Do you notice any difference?"

I couldn't tell. So, I asked him to show them to me again. This time, when my scan came up I saw it. It looked like a thundercloud in encased the inside of my skull. It wasn't very noticeable, but it was there.

"What is it," I asked.

"I don't know," Dr. Richards said. "I've been a neurologist 15 years and I've never seen anything like this before. What I'd like to do is keep you here for a couple of days to run more tests."

I didn't know what else to say other than, "yes." So, they admitted me to the hospital. For the next two days, they prodded and poked me making sure that I got no sleep. J.T. and Kai came past to visit. Kai would stay until I fell asleep. As for me? I felt fine. I thought they were wasting their time as well as mine. Nevertheless, I kept quiet and kept my thoughts to myself.

After two days, they let me go and made sure I scheduled a follow-up evaluation with Dr. Richards. After they wheeled me to the curb, before Kai could get from the driver's side to help me I'd already planted myself firmly in her Tesla's front seat. She looked at me with a smile and went ack to the driver's side and we sped away.
--------------------------------------

I knew I wouldn't be seeing Kai except electronically for the next month. J. T. and I, as well as Lorain, would hit Rome, Russia and Nepal. J.T. was excited. Normally, I would be excited as well, but being away from Kai this long did not make happy, especially when we spent so much time together. That we were going in the company jet would somewhat soften my departure. Traveling on a Gulfstream G650ER offers luxury and working space. With a range of 8,000 miles, it could cross an ocean without stopping. Plus, it had sleeping quarters, which helped us to remain fresh during the flights.

J.T. and Beverly Chaser would pilot the luxurious jet and I felt comfortable with both of them. Beverly and I had actually been working together before JT. was hired. Although I leaned toward J.T. now, but they were both excellent pilots.

Of course, we were not going to Italy just to see Rome. We had several stops scheduled. We would hit Florence, Sicily and of course Rome. However, for me, the best part of the trip would be our stops in Russia and Nepal. I had been to Rome many times and it its romance for me, but the idea of ever visiting either country never crossed my mind.

We landed in Sicily first and went everywhere we could with Lorain recording as we went and talking with people as we went. I never said she wasn't intelligent. She was highly intelligent and had all the paper to back it up. Not only was she an excellent reporter, she spoke seven languages fluently. Florence offered halls of history with art students sitting on the steps drawing pictures of David. Nevertheless, Rome was the main attraction. I had been before, but Lorain hadn't.

--------------------------------------

So far, the trip was going nicely. Loraine had actually been a pleasure on this trip. I think she had forgiven my indiscretion, but more importantly, she had forgiven herself. Neither of us did anything wrong. We were just lonely souls who solace with each other using liquor as an excuse.

“What did you think of Rome,” I asked Lorain.

“What can I say,” Lorain answered, “I recorded my thoughts and even took pictures with my phone but I’m going to have a difficult time putting such beauty into words.

What do you think,” she asked.

“I’ve been there many time, but as you said, it’s nearly impossible to describe with either words or photographs,’’ I said. “ “There is so much history, that it’s impossible to dig into it with a one-week visit. Still, my favorite site is Vatican City, but in all the times I'd been there I'd never seen the Pope.

“What about Russia,” I asked.

 “I thought it was a depressing place. I enjoyed seeing the Kremlin, but I couldn’t get the people out of my mind,” she said. “They looked just like the city,” Loraine said. "I was glad when I heard the wheels pull up," she said.

“It was my first time being there too and I felt much the same as you,” I said. "Nobody looked happy. Maybe I’m wrong, but it seemed that way,” I said. ““I’d like to go back and really see the city without supervision where we could meet the real Russian people,” I said.

Nevertheless, the pictures I took of the Kremlin and soldiers were excellent. I thought I caught the spirit of life around that well-known structure that everyone in the world knew about in one way or another whether they friend or foe. It was the symbol power for that portion of Asia. Still, despite its dreary countenance, it is a place I’d like to visit again.

Nepal was the last stop on our itinerary. None of us had ever been there, but we all read as much as we could about it. The pictures of the Nepalese was spectacular especially those of the young girls dressed in their wedding attire. It was colorful, exotic and cold. Even though it was June, we’d be wearing heavy coats and boots. I hoped there would be a wedding I could shoot. An added advantage was we'd have a close-up view of the Himalayan Mountains where Mt. Everest pierced the sky. It promised to be an exciting trip. We would land in Katmandu and begin our journey.

--------------------------------------

Kai was watching television when her show was interrupted by a breaking news story. She listened closely as the newscaster said: "A Globe International jet disappeared somewhere in the Himalayan mountains.” "Global Flight 711 disappeared from radar screens in the early morning without a distress call. There were five people on the plane, including well known photographer Evan Mac," the reporter adding that he'd be back as soon as they had more information. 

Her breath fled from her lungs in a silent scream. She couldn't get enough air to scream and when it did, it was a cry of terrifying anguish. Tears streamed down her face and her body shook. She was helpless. She could barely lift herself from the floor. When she stood it occurred to to call The Globe. It was well past working hours the magazine's offices, but Kai wanted to see if anyone had information. Working on that idea, she dialed the offices expecting no answer, but a pleasant voice answered saying "we're closed." Before the voice could hang up Kai said, "Wait! Please don't hang up. My name is Kai Li. I'm Evan Mac's girlfriend."

There was a brief pause and another voice came on the telephone.

"Kai, this Paul Porter. I am one of the pilots here and Mac talks of you constantly," he said. "I told them you might be calling and if you did put your call through to me. I am assuming you want to come down to our offices to keepthe vigil we have."

"Yes," she answered.

"How soon can you be here," Paul asked.

I'll be there in 20 minutes," Kai said.

"OK, I'll be at the office doors to let you in, he said.

Kai dropped the phone, threw on jeans and a sweat shirt, set the alarm, jumped into her car and was gone in less than five minutes. As promised Paul was there to meet her. When she walked in she immediately noticed a group of people watching the television. Some were standing while others sat.

"We're waiting for any news on our people," Paul said. Kai sat with the others and watched the screen waing for a report. A few people came over to say hello. None stayed to talk. They all were concerned and a deathly pall hung over the room. Finally, at 5:30 am the first news came on about the Globe International Flight 711 that disappeared in the Himalayan Moutains. Basically, there was no news.

--------------------------------------

Kai didn't know what to do when she got home. At first, she just put her head in her hands and starred at the floor with silent tears. She wanted to scream and maybe she would when she tried shower some of the sadness from her mind. Her partner and love was gone. She tried to tell herself that they would find her precious Mac alive and ready to come home, but she knew that possibility was nearly nonexistent. 

People didn't disappear in the Himalayan Mountains and survive. The weather alone would reduce their chances of surviving to no chance or none. If the plane crashed, who knows what injuries they might have suffered. Still, it came back to the weather and altitude. Oxygen deprivation could kill just like the other things.

After she showered and dried, she decided to put on her flannel pajamas and diamond stud earrings. It was a strange combination, but for some reason Mac liked it. It might have been just because it was different or because it was a good snuggling outfit for winter.

She went right to the dresser drawer that held her sleep wear and removed her flannel pajamas. After pulling on the pajamas, she opened her jewelry box and l looked for her diamond earrings. After fumbling in the box for a few minutes, she decided to dump the box and start at the beginning. Right away she found one of the sparkling diamonds, but the other remained hidden.

Kai continued to rummage when a miniature chest caught her eye. Other than her mom giving it to her when Kai was a child, it had no monetary value. The earring wouldn't be in it, but it raised Kai's attention. She opened the old chest's lid carefully. There was nothing in it, but a piece of paper.

Taking the yellow paper from the chest, she carefully unrolled it. Her eyes opened wide when she recognized the writing on the paper was hers. She was confused. The note was clearly her handwriting, but the words were foreign to her. The note said simply, "Next time find me sooner."

--------------------------------------

Two years later the disappearance of Global 711 was ancient history. There were no more searches, no more inquiries and no more mention of the tragedy until news came that two climbers found the jet intact with no one aboard.

Kai was in her kitchen cooking using the television as background noise. She wasn't paying attention until she heard Globe 711. She immediately turned the flames down and turned just in time to hear the broadcaster say, "Two years after Global flight 711 disappeared in the Himalayas, the plane has been found. However, just as much as confusion the initial disappearance caused, this finding has thrown a shroud of mystery over the story," the reporter said. "According to the climbers who found the plane sitting on long snow bank, when they reached the plane, the door was still closed and there appeared to be no one inside."

Kai didn't know what to do. She felt such joy and relief, but in fact, nothing had changed. Mac was still gone. There was no way to rationalize being caught at 13,000 feet without cold weather gear and oxygen. He was dead. It was that simple. She knew it all along, but she refused to admit it. Now, it was done. Mac was gone.

--------------------------------------

The flashing blue lights were back, but the pain was not with them. There was a faint whir in the background like a wheel slowing down. And, then it stopped. I felt myself moving backwards until bright light penetrated my eyelids.

"Hey, cowboy," a voice said. I looked about and it was J. T. "I had a chance to follow a few of your last scans and it seemed as if you were heavily pained.

"I was," I answered. I didn't want to say anything more than that even though J.T. was my best friend. As I glided to the locker room, I saw Lorain slipping from another tube. Pretty soon, all that left for a twenty four hour skip would return.

Before I left to speak I decided to speak with the Doctor Wilson.

"Could I return," I asked.

"No," he said. "A second trip could kill you."

That was it. Just like that, my life was snatched away.

--------------------------------------

When Dr. Wilson came in the next day he found the door already open and one scan device whirling at top speed. He could still shut it down safely, but decided against it. When heard the scan begin its automatic cycle down, he came from behind the glass and pushed Mac's wheelchair into the locker room and left.



FOX NEWS SEX FOLLIES

"It took 15 days to end the mighty 20-year reign of Roger Ailes at Fox News, one of the most storied runs in media and political history. Ailes built not just a conservative cable news channel but something like a fourth branch of government; a propaganda arm for the GOP; an organization that determined Republican presidential candidates, sold wars, and decided the issues of the day for 2 million viewers." Now the sexism at FOX News is in the open. One the prime examples is Bill O'Reilly.[1]
The O'Reilly Factor
Fox News personality Bill O'Rielly faces a lawsuit filed by a female producer who alleged in her in her complaint years of quid pro quo sexual harassment from her boss, who played “a morally upright, independent political pundit” on television but had a proclivity for one-sided phone sex.
On October 13, 2004, O’Reilly was sued in a sexual harassment lawsuit for $60,000,000 by his former producer named Andrea Mackris.  Mackris was an employee of Fox from 2000, with lawsuit documents showing O’Reilly’s rabid sexual harassment began in May 2002 and continued until September 2004.  Mackris filed a wild document full of O’Reilly’s exploits.   
The fallout was immense, with O’Reilly counter-suing Mackris for extortion before finally settling the lawsuit for an untold amount of money that is generally believed to have been in the millions of dollars.  I suppose that I could stop there with the story, but what fun would that be?
Before the case was settled a salacious 22-page document was presented to the court where Mackris was said to have various audio recordings of O’Reilly calling her numerous times to enact his sexual fetish of phone sex.  The sordid scenario began
innocuously enough.  Mackris was informed on May of 2002 that she would no longer employed by FOX for $56,000 a year.  O’Reilly heard of this and invited Mackris to dinner where he informed her that she was re-hired and with a raise to $65,000!  What a guy, right?  Always looking out for his employees, but all was not what it seemed.  After giving Mackris the good news O’Reilly made his move.  From the original court documents:
Fox News host Bill O'Reilly has lost custody of his two teenage children following an alleged domestic violence incident, according to court documents. A New York appeals court upheld a ruling that denied Mr. O'Reilly sole residential custody and status as sole decision-maker for the 17-year-old daughter and 13-year-old son he had with his ex-wife, Maureen McPhilmy, the New York Daily News reported. The Fox News host will still have visitation rights with his kids on alternating weekends and some holidays.
Roughly three weeks before the 2004 presidential election came an October surprise of sorts, not one that damaged either political party but one that dropped like a bomb in the media’s proxy war. Bill O’Reilly was sued by Factor associate producer Andrea Mackris, who in her complaint alleged years of quid pro quo sexual harassment from her boss, who played “a morally upright, independent political pundit” on television but had a proclivity for one-sided phone sex.
In a children’s book released a month earlier, the Fox News host wrote, “Thanks to some of the loonier films and magazines today, many of you know a lot about unusual sexual practices.” The allegations against him proved enlightening as well, when the complaint was published by the Smoking Gun: Mackris, 33, alleged the blunt-talking head urged her to “just use your vibrator to blow off steam” and bragged about his international sexual exploits, including, but not limited to, “a little short brown woman” in a Bali massage cabana, two “really wild” Scandinavian stewardesses, and a Thai-sex-show “backroom” special.
O’Reilly allegedly touched himself while detailing a shower fantasy featuring Mackris and “that little loofah thing” but later in the call, evidently flustered, referred to the prop as a “falafel thing.” When he was finished, Mackris said, O’Reilly praised his own recent appearance on the Tonight Show. Details all out, the suit was settled about two weeks later, while the audiotapes Makris was thought to have were kept secret. O’Reilly’s ratings were reportedly up 30 percent.
The New York Times reported: “Fox News masquerades as a defender of traditional family values, but behind the scenes, it operates like a sex-fueled, Playboy Mansion-like cult, steeped in intimidation, indecency and misogyny,” Ms. Tantaros’s suit says.
During arbitration, Mr. Burstein said, Fox News offered to pay her a sum “in the seven figures” if she renounced claims against Mr. Ailes and others at the network, including the host Bill O’Reilly. According to the lawsuit, Ms. Tantaros said she had been subjected to unwelcome advances from Mr. O’Reilly, whom she had regarded as a friend and adviser.
All that family values stuff that Fox News spent hours spewing was nothing more than marketing to socially conservative viewers. The problem for Fox News is that Tantaros’ lawsuit is threatening to blow the lid off the network and all of their dark secrets in public. This isn’t the first time that Bill O’Reilly has been accused of sexual harassment. In 2004, O’Reilly settled a sexual harassment lawsuit filed against him by a Fox News producer.
The lawsuit accuses O’Reilly of trying to lure Tantaros to his Long Island home so that he could see her “wild side.” When she refused his advances, Tantaros was banned from appearing on O’Reilly’s show.
With reports running rampant that the backup plan for Donald Trump is if he loses the election is to team up with Roger Ailes and Breitbart to form a new conservative media empire, what we could be witnessing is the demise of Fox News. O’Reilly, Sean Hannity, and Greta Van Susteren all have clauses in their contracts that allow them to leave because Ailes is gone.
If Trump loses the election, the combination of the sexual harassment lawsuits and a new Ailes/Trump conservative media venture could trigger a mass exodus from Fox News. Fox News is surrounded by internal and external threats, and the network is in more danger than most people in the media are willing to admit publicly. The era of Fox News’ ratings dominance may be close to coming to an end.[2]



[1] Gabriel Sherman, The Loudest Voice in the Room: How the Brilliant, Bombastic Roger Ailes Built Fox News – and Divided a Country, February 6, 2014, Random House, an imprint of Random House, a division of Random House, LLC. Copyright© 2014, http://www.nytimes.com/2014/01/19/books/review/gabriel-shermans-loudest-voice-in-the-room.html?_r=0

[2] Gabriel Sherman, The Loudest Voice in the Room: How the Brilliant, Bombastic Roger Ailes Built Fox News – and Divided a Country, February 6, 2014, Random House, an imprint of Random House, a division of Random House, LLC. Copyright© 2014, http://www.nytimes.com/2014/01/19/books/review/gabriel-shermans-loudest-voice-in-the-room.html?_r=0

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Book Review: Shake Hands With The Devil: The Failure of Humanity in Rwanda
About a month ago, my middle son Terrance, gave me a book that reminded me of how inhumanity can lurk about the corner. I thank him for thinking of me and knowing that I am addicted to reading.
The following is a brief review of Shake Hands With The Devil: The Failure of Humanity in Rwanda, by Lt. General Romeo Dallaire.
Between April of 1994 and July, an estimated 800,000-1,000,000 Rwandans were killed in what is known as The Genocide Against the Tutsi by the Hutu majority government. During that 100 day period, 70% of Tutsi population was exterminated by Hutu government.
Other genocides or so-called ethnic cleansing occurred throughout world history, but the only one in recent history happened 1975 in Cambodia where between 1.7 and 3 million people were exterminated.
General Dallaire captures the depravity and brutality of unfettered killing listing the horrendous sights and even smells he encountered, but more importantly, he journals the failure of the major world powers to become involved and states "there were no economic reasons to be there"
Rather than a replay of the events other writers already chronicled, Shake Hands With The Devil truly looks into the game of finger pointing between major powers and how they turned their heads to what happened in Rwanda until it was far too late. General Dallaire was relieved of his command and returned to the Canadian forces.
However, the story didn't end there. Dallaire went into severe depression and couldn't write the book even though his doctor told him it could be therapeutic. Finally, Dallaire decided he must return to Rwanda. When he returned, he wrote the book.

The book didn't hit the shelves until 2004 and won the Governor General's Literary Award For Nonfiction. I highly recommend it in general and as a historical document.